What About Your Friends? The Difference between Real Friends & Associates.
Our friendships are that part of our lives that we can’t treat lightly, especially because the bible stresses the importance of the right kinds of friends. Proverbs 12:26 says, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray”.
If the saying, “You are the company you keep”, is true, then we must select our friends wisely. You see, there are real genuine friendships & there are also associates & if you’re not careful, you will confuse them.
Your circle of friendships/relationships that are going down a 1-way street, will eventually come to a DEAD END! If you’re the only one doing all of the giving, encouraging, uplifting, calling & texting, then it’s time for you to re-evaluate that friendship.
Real friends will hold you accountable; they will check you even if it makes you uncomfortable because they are in your life to push you to be a better version of yourself, to help you reach your goals, and go after your dreams & visions; overall, they genuinely care & you can count on them.
Associates, on the other hand, should not have any expectations placed on them. Now don’t get me wrong, some associates do end up becoming real friendships. But how many times have you befriended an associate, thinking that they were your friend, only to find out that they were not? You ended up placing friendship expectations on them, giving them the title of “friend” that they did not deserve…you can’t build something that’s REAL off of something that’s FAKE…
How many of you have given people the title of bestie, best friend/BFF, sister, etc., only to find out later that you were being talked about, lied on & stabbed so deep in the back? Some people will only be around you because they are attracted to what surrounds your life! Some will do just enough to keep you around just in case they ever need you for something. That’s why it’s very important for you to know who is in your boat rowing with you; as you’re rowing in one direction, some in your boat could be rowing in the other direction; or better yet, drilling holes in the bottom, just waiting for you to sink!
You see, the bible says in Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful”. I had to learn the hard way about people in my life that I really thought were friends but turns out they were not. That is why it’s so important to seek God about the friendships in your life & even the new ones entering in & ask Him to show you if they are really genuine & supposed to be in your life.
Real friendships are not about competition. If you have someone in your circle of friends who:
a) pretends to be happy for you when good things happen in your life but in reality, they are really not happy at all
b) they always feel that someone or even you are always jealous of them
c)no matter what you do they always find everything wrong in all what you do, say, etc., & never find fault in themselves---Then it’s time to re-evaluate that friendship. That is the definition of a 1-sided friendship & also a toxic one, which is one that you definitely don’t need to be in PERIOD!
If you have a friend who is always bringing gossip to you about someone else, that they are claiming they “don’t like”, but the next thing you know, you’re seeing them together in pictures, outings, etc., then please believe they are bringing the gossip about you when you’re not around. A real friend will never entertain gossip about you; they will stand up for you when you’re not there to stand up for yourself. They will always have your back & you will have theirs as well.
Give your time & energy to the people who are your friends & keep the associates in their place—as associates with no expectations. You can be cordial & speak, of course, & support them here & there; but if an associate is meant to turn into a real friendship, then allow God to show you if that is supposed to happen. Take a moment to appreciate the real, genuine friends in your life; those friends are rare & special.
In closing, give thanks to God for all the fake & toxic connections that were removed from your life because if God removed them it was for a reason. Therefore, stop trying to keep people around that are no longer part of your journey. You also have to be the type of friend in a friendship that you are also wanting them to be to you; which leads me to Proverbs 18:24, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”.
Remember this: It’s not about the size of the circle, it’s about the size of the loyalty that’s in it.